Sunday, January 25, 2009

Now what?

Told you I wouldn't be posting much.

Around Thanksgiving my daughter Allison received the bad news that she has esophageal cancer. Further tests categorized it as Stage III, meaning that it has penetrated the entire esophagus, hit one lymph node, but has not metastasized. She is currently undergoing chemotherapy, the specifics of which have changed this past week. She is about to add radiation to the mix, the idea being to smack it down hard before subjecting her to surgery in early April.

This type of cancer hits males over 60. Allison is a female just over 30. There are no stats that can tell us how well she will do; we just have to hope for the best. She does start from a position of strength, since she's young and otherwise healthy.

Having her, Mark and Zachary move in with me seems like a good idea. She would be near Memorial Sloan-Kettering's Commack satellite where she's getting treatment (surgery will be in NYC). She would have more close family and many of Ronni's friends available. So I have embarked on a clean-the-house mission, which is going well, with the intent to clear the upstairs so that we can put down laminate flooring to keep allergens low (Mark has a few allergy problems) and put up new sheetrock and paint where needed. Probably need a door, too. The work keeps me busy at night and weekends.

Between cleanup and helping Mark and Ali with Zach while Ali gets her treatments, I haven't had much time to be sad. I'm still on that sawtooth curve, though, where I feel my misery building until it pours out in sobs, then subsides for a week or two only to build again.

Allison reports being numb. If anyone's numb, it has to be Mark, who has been hit from all sides these past months. All I can do is be there for the three of them. It helps me, too.

Check the time of this post: sometimes I need to stay up until I'm exhausted, in order to sleep.

I don't have the same conceptions about God that I had a year ago, that's certain.

Oh yeah, Happy Birthday Jonathan, now 24.